Varia Medical
by Hamano Chiaki
Summary: His mundane life hasn't looked so much more fun (and safe) to Fran until he meets his new co-workers at Varia Medical. Hopefully will stay gen. No pairings. Varia. AU. Slight OOC-ness.
1. Chapter 1

**Ohmeronflippers. It's been so long since I posted anything new/updated anything. I feel as if I'm monotoning right now. I might be, I don't really know. Man, the lack of emoticons is killing the light mood here. Heeerrrlllooooo? xD Ah, much better. Anyway, I'm hoping to update my other works as soon as possible but with my break from Facebook, my interest on working on my other ideas has been sparked ever since I drew an image for this one.**

Hopefully, I'll be accessing Facebook this Friday to transfer the image from the iPad to the site and into my laptop...maybe? Oh, shoutout to the marvellous Mockingjay Rose, my punny friend and pufferfish (eater) lover! I never did repay her shoutout to me from a while back! Cx

Anyway, enjoy~

Varia Medical

Blank eyes evaluate the foreboding building that seems to be bleeding cobwebs and black trails of horror from all corners and sides, his left eye twitching in a horribly vexing manner. The male of twenty-two years lifts the crumpled sheet of paper with the address to his first job out of medical school, eyeing it critically. He looks up at the ruined nameplate that seems to be missing the alphabets V and R, leaving "** A IA MED.**" on said nameplate.

"This is going to be such a drag." He comments aloud.

Pulling a nonchalant shrug, the male pockets the note and drags his feet onto the obviously worn out and cracked pavement that leads towards the double doors of the hang loosely on the rusted hinges. He stuffs his hands into the pockets of his black slacks that he'd bought last week along with the bright indigo dress shirt and black suit top. _Hopefully this wreck of a place will be worth the many euros he paid for this expensive suit_, he thinks to himself as he climbs up the five step stairway towards the doors.

He softly kicks ajar doors open, resulting in loud crashes as both doors fall free from the hinges and onto the surprisingly clean, tiled floor. The man immediately raises an eyebrow at the fact that the floor is spick-and-span despite it's rundown exterior. He carefully walks on the doors before reaching the end where the clean floor starts. Bending low, he swipes a finger across a small span of the ground, inspecting it. _Whoever did the cleaning in the building is a pro-_

The suited man doesn't get to finish his thought as he is tackled by another somewhat firm yet soft form. A shrill and feminine battle cry of "KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" causes his eardrums to vibrate ever so painfully, threatening to split and possibly disintegrate into tiny dust particles. His facial muscles refuse to cooperate to contort into an expression that could somehow describe the intense pain he's experiencing, and remain stoic. The harsh fall on his back does not help in this situation. Neither does the collision of the back of his head and the edge of the first step of the stairs that causes him to black out.

_Stupid pink hair_, he thinks to himself.

(￣ー￣)

_I feel awesome_, he spills sarcasm all over his own mind as he tries to soothe the pain pulsing at the back of his head. _Probably a concussion_, he diagnoses himself. His eyes are still shut despite being quite conscious for a supposedly unconscious victim of a tackle-hug. Fragments of hushed whispers reach his ears, fuzzy and indecipherable, before taking a sudden turn into yells and crashes. When the yells and crashes show no sign of stopping, the man lifts an eyelid open to observe the racket. What greets his sight is an unfavourable one.

_Blood. Blood everywhere_, the man swears he hears the toy of childhood, Buzz Lightyear quoting in his mind. The once whitewashed walls of the fluorescent-lit room are spattered in a fury of red, as if a storm of strawberries had come through and sprayed red all over. _Mmmm... Strawberries. I could use some of that right now_, the man thinks to himself. _Yummy strawberries dipped in melted chocolate, yum._

Unbeknownst to said man thinking of chocolate-dipped strawberries, a sliver of drool escapes his now parted lips, alerting the remaining occupants of his awareness. The man is snapped out of his sweet daze by a spine chilling laugh that causes a knee-jerk reaction of his whenever he felt unsafe, his left leg leaping up into the air and staying in that position for a long while.

"Ushishishi," came the eerie laughter once more and the man's right leg undergoes the exact knee-jerk reaction his other leg had undergone just moments earlier. With both of his legs up in the air and the somewhat stoic expression on his face, it is a comical sight for the owner of the eerie laughter. "What an interesting peasant for the prince to examine, shishishi~"

_E-examine? Never in his entire mundane life has the man felt such terror of being sliced apart and turned inside out like the frog that he'd dissected during high school for an assignment for Biology. Never._ The rather convincing thud of a body land on the floor and smack of solid against liquid that the man is sure is the red substance that coats the room in all of its glory and the stench of iron, does not help lighten this foreign and uncomfortable emotion within him. Before long, a dark shadow looms over him, a Cheshire grin spread wide and glowing quite brightly in the dark.

"Ushishishi," the grin seems to grow bigger by the second, "What a pretty face for a male peasant! I wonder what it will look like once I'm done cutting it up and painting it in beautiful crimson, shishishi~"

_His mundane life seems so much more fun (and not to mention, safe) right now._

**I know, I know. It's rather short, hahahaha. I may also have gotten them out of their actual personalities (a.k.a OOC-ness), especially Fran [if it wasn't obvious enough for a character from KHR to have such a blank face and random sarcasm (?)]. I'm not too familiar with the Varia's ways and this is going to be something new :)**

All I know is the basics of them - Squalo = VOOOIII / Xanxus = Trash, scum, throwing wineglasses / Lussuria = Squealing, fanboy-ing / Belphegor = Ushishishi, knives, blood, Blood, BLOOOOD / Fran = Monotone, Fairy dance to scare away fairies (?) / Levi = Gets kicked around.

Um... Yeah. That's it. Please correct me wherever I get them wrong in this chapter and the future ones! Thank you for reading and please review your thoughts! :D


	2. Chapter 2

**I don't even know what I doing anymor They're probably OOC in here, ohmymeron...**

Varia Medical

"So you're the new scum the loud trash hired."

Fran's left eye barely twitches, his facial muscle being uncooperative once more as annoyance brews within the usually food-filled pit in his stomach. If only they'd let him eat something, preferably strawberries with whipped cream on chocolate ice-cream on thick Belgian waffles. _Yeah, that would make a good meal._ A sliver of saliva dribbles down his chin from the corner of his mouth, his face void of emotion as he continues fantasising about Belgian waffles, strawberries and ice-cream.

However, his daydream is shattered as a shot glass half-filled with vodka hits his bandaged head. To his surprise, the glass doesn't shatter at the speed it was coming at him but instead, bounces off of his head and rolls pathetically on the plush red carpet that covers the entire floor of the eight hundred square feet of the office. Colourless liquid drips from the front, droopy ends of his lime green hair that he'd decided to dye it the eye-catching colour when he graduated from high school.

"Tch, he replaced my shot glasses again," the boss leans back into his large chair, a grumpy look evident on his face. He reaches for his drawers and pulls one open, pulling out another shot glass. The grumpy man throws it at the newbie, only to have it bounce off once more.

"Get the fuck out and work."

"Ushishishi," Fran tenses up slightly at the haunting laughter, "Don't be so harsh on the new peasant, boss! Shishishi~"

Fran tenses up further as an arm wraps around his left shoulder and a pointy chin rests on his right. The wide grin that is etched into the blonde's face stretches further, his cheek pressing up against the green-haired man's face. Something glints to his left and he turns to look, only the back up at the sight of a scalpel, decorated with intricate carvings, a mere centimetre from slicing the tip of his nose. Slender fingers flip and twist the scalpel in an elegantly dangerous manner, threatening to slip the blade from their grasps.

"Shishishi, does the little peasant like my scalpel?" His breath brushes against the other's earlobe, sending shivers down his spine as the blades dances dangerously in between slender fingers. Fran's green pupils meet to stare at the slim blade as the scalpel is brought close to his forehead, in between his eyes, "How uncute, peasant...shishishi~"

Wrapping his right arm around the newbie's waist and his left hand grabbing hold of the other's left arm, the blonde lifts the man onto his feet and drags him out of the office. "Follow your senpai, the prince, uncute kouhai and leave boss alone," the blonde continues to drag the other out of the office, kicking the door shut as he went and causing Fran to stumble as the door nearly shuts his bottom half in the office.

"Let me go, senpai. I can walk fine," Fran monotones as he shrugs out of the blonde's vice grip. He stretches his stiff joints, feeling them pop. He definitely needs more exercise and less scares from his new colleagues. Fran makes a move to run a hand through his hair but the soft material of the bandage on his head stops him.

"Say, what's your name, senpai?," Fran asks as he walks beside the blonde. He's surprised to find that the blonde is taller than him despite his slimmer build, "You're not an actual prince, are you?"

"Shishishishi, the prince doesn't give his name to mere peasants especially to one as uncute as you," the blonde continues to grin broadly as he plays with the scalpel. Fran cannot help but be wary of the scalpel.

"Mhmm, if you're a real prince, how come you're working in a hospital?" Fran continues to question the blonde's royal status, "Perhaps your kingdom fell apart and you have to work like every other peasant?"

The "prince" stiffens up beside Fran but the green-haired man pays no heed to the man's stiffness instead, continues to question the blond's status, "Possibly you had an internal conflict with your family and your dear sibling took over instead?", Fran continues. He steals a glance towards the blond beside him but he is, somewhat, disappointed to find that the Cheshire grin is still intact underneath the large pair of red-rimmed shades that hides his eyes.

"Say, prince-senpai," Fran continues, "What's with the shades? I'm pretty sure it ain't that bright in here, or are your princely eyes too weak to withstand peasants' fluorescent lights?"

As Fran continues to toss comments and inquiries about the blonde's status, his monotone drawling lazily as the jabs burn deep into the blonde's sides. Indeed, this prince will not simply have a mere peasant, especially one as new as this one to insult his royal blood! "Ushishishishi," he snickers under his breath, annoyance and anger brewing like a storm within him.

"How dare a peasant as low as you insult my bloodline? You should be grovelling at my feet," the blonde's grin continues to grow as he thinks up a name befitting of the green-haired man, "you frog. Shishishi~"

(￣ー￣)

As the two continue to bicker along the way to the cafeteria to meet up with the others, the sentence long jabs have been reduced to one word insults to one another. One monotone and the other grinning.

"Frog. "

"Fraud. "

"Toad. "

"Spongebob. "

"Kelp. "

"Cat. "

Ah, pretty much childish name calling between two _very_ mature adults working in a hospital. The 'prince' pushes the double doors apart, revealing a cafeteria that is equally as pristine as the rest of the hospital (minus the horrible cobweb-decorated exterior).

"Shishishi~ Be thankful for the prince has graced his presence with you peasants, " the blonde announces, his grin ever wide and his pair of shades glinting under the fluorescent lights of the cafeteria. Fran observes the occupants of the room.

"Tch, you made me lose count of my money, " a slender form in an indigo hood and a pair of black skinny jeans growls, "Idiot prince. " The corners of the pale lips are anchored into a deep frown and the pair of hands holding a stack of green sheets are immobile. Fran peeks out from behind the slightly taller blonde.

"Hm? Who have you got there?" Much to Fran's surprise, he is suddenly face to face with the petite person, his back aching from being pulled down to reach the other's level. He is irked to find the same person sniffing his hair, "Tch. Looks like money but doesn't smell rich."

Fran rolls his eyes, "How rich to hear that from a midget." He receives a piercing glare from under the hood for his brave statement. Then a small hand whacks him on the head before joining its twin in pressing the man's cheeks.

"I'll have you know that I am your senpai and am a lot richer than you'll ever be, disrespectful kouhai," the petite person growls, pulling at the man's cheeks. Fran winces internally at the painful pinches. "You will address me as Mammon-senpai." Fortunately, the torture ends quickly when the person is suddenly pulled off of his feet by yet another. As Fran straightens himself, massaging his cheeks, he observes the tough looking man holding the evil pincher.

"Hey, unhand me, stupid lackey," Mammon (Fran has yet to determine the gender) complains in a somewhat monotone manner.

"Tch, boss will be angry if you cause a ruckus," he growls, his lip-chain-eyebrow piercing shaking at the curl of his upper lip, "especially since the loud douche is away and unable to control boss." Mr. Piercing gives Mammon a good shake before glancing at Fran.

"The name's Leviathan, boss' most loyal employee since 1995," he states smugly. Fran raises an eyebrow full of doubt.

"And, how _old_ are you, Lebiphan?" Fran sticks his tongue out, the weird name rolling off of his tongue. Leviathan lack of appreciation towards the newbie's efforts at pronouncing his name shows on his pierced face.

"Twenty-eight," Mr. Piercing (Fran settles on this nickname) states rather blandly, "What's it to you?"

Fran begins counting with his fingers, taking five minutes too long, before reaching the weirdest conclusion in his entire lifespan of twenty-two years. "You mean to tell me that you've been working under that man since you were ten years old?"

"Yes, I have," Leviathan seems smug about his history with the boss, "Jealous?"

Fran thinks about it for a moment. "If it means having to suffer through unbreakable shot glasses being thrown at my poor head, no."

Before Leviathan can react, a petite hand smacks right in the centre of his face, sending the man howling at the sharp pain in his nose. Mammon lands on their feet gracefully, the hood on their head never moving off of their head. While Leviathan suffers from the smack, Mammon takes the opportunity to kick him in the jewels.

"Never manhandle me, you got that, lackey?" Mammon growls, clearly unhappy with the earlier treatment. With a huff, the petite person moves towards the table where they were counting money before Fran and the "prince" entered. Mammon picks up a white coat, much like Fran's own, and sweeps his pile of money into a black, frog-shaped backpack.

"That warning goes to you too, newbie." Mammon growls as they pull the bag higher up their shoulder and walks out of the room.

"Well, that sure was small."

Fran receives a flying kick to his right side.

**My jokes make no sense. WHERE IS MY CRACKY HUMOUR? GRAAAAHHHHH! Anyway, please review your thoughts! :)**


End file.
